14.9. Heckler retorts.

 

Here are some classic phrases for the use of either speakers or hecklers. Match the beginning of these phrases with the correct endings.

 

1. I refuse to have a battle of wits… j…with someone who is unarmed. ‘A battle of wits’ -as mentioned above- means ‘a witty or intelligent argument that has the intention of making the opponent look stupid’. If you are ‘unarmed’, you have no weapon; and, therefore, no intelligence. This could be used by the speaker.

 

2. I’ll buy you a drink... a...if you drink it in France. The speaker is telling the heckler  to ‘go away’.

 

3. Why don’t you follow the example of your head…. h…and come to a point. ‘Come to the point,’ is what you would say to a person whose argument or speech lacks focus or a clear objective. It also means to arrive at a sharp filed extreme, like that of a pencil. The heckler is therefore making an insulting comment about the shape of the speaker’s head, and the lack of clarity of his talk.

 

4. Here we have one guy.... g...who will never get cancer of the brain. Implies that he either never uses his brain, or has one that is so small. This is probably the speaker talking, although it could be shouted by a heckler.

 

5. Why don’t you have a shave?... c...your face looks like my armpit. An idea comment to deal with a heckler or speaker who has a beard.

 

6. I’ve seen better faces on a clock... e...even when a cuckoo came out of it. Both a clock and a human being have faces. Someone is being told they are ugly. Probably the heckler.

 

7. Look! It’s my old school master... f...how’s it going Master Bater? A schoolteacher was traditionally referred to as a ‘master’. ‘Bates’ is a common surname in Britain. Said quickly they sound like ‘masturbate’ or ‘masturbator’, which means the action of giving sexual satisfaction… to yourself! Use with caution.

 

8. (to a man) Good to see you again!.. i...back in men’s clothing. ‘It’s good to see you again!’ is a standard expression to use when you see an old friend or acquaintance. Put together with the second part implies that the person is, or was, a transvestite.

 

9. Save your breath... b...you’ll need it to blow up your date later. ‘Save your breath’ means ‘don’t waste your time talking’ and would be used by the speaker. (‘Breath’ is the air from your mouth.) ‘A date’ is a romantic partner or a meeting of lovers. The speaker is saying that the heckler has an inflatable plastic ‘girlfriend’.

 

 

10. You’ve got just the kind of looks for television... d...two more legs and you could star in a western. A speaker is telling the heckler that they look like a horse, but that they only have two legs!